TAKE CARE.  STAY SAFE.  BE WELL.

By Martha E. Fagan, RN, BSN

When was the last time you paid attention to the “complimentary closing” of a letter or, more likely, an email?  We’re conditioned to seeing “thanks”, a favorite emoji, “see you soon”, “love” or in more formal situations, “sincerely”, “regards” or “best”.  Recently I’ve noticed these generic, often meaningless, closings have been replaced by “take care”, “stay safe”, or “be well”.  COVID has even found its way into our communication style.

At first glance it seems insignificant, though if we sit with it awhile, I think there’s a much deeper message.  I believe we sincerely care about one another’s well-being and have changed our closing words to reflect our heightened awareness of each other’s state in the world.

We’re reminding ourselves and those we’re communicating with to take care, stay safe and be well.  This lightens my heart as I hope it means we are paying greater attention… to how we say goodbye and maybe even to an expanded awareness of our shared experience.

This may be Polly Anna speaking on my behalf or it may be that we’ve faced things in recent months that have made us take stock and reevaluate what is meaningful.

For now, until proven otherwise, I’m going with that assumption…

So “take care”—do what soothes your soul and brings you strength during these challenging times.  We need to practice self-care for our own health AND practicing compassionate self-care allows us to better care for those in our inner circle…spouse, children, parents, dear friends and maybe even co-workers.  We are intrinsically connected and when a crisis arises, we are magnetically drawn to one another as a way to navigate the unknown. 

“Take care“ for you may mean taking a walk, going to bed a bit earlier, eating more wholesome foods or spending a little cherished time talking to your best friend.  Maybe it means reading a book, baking with your kids, creating a floral arrangement or building an Adirondack chair.  Whatever it means to you my hope is that you’ll do it.

“Stay safe” now means wearing a mask, staying physically distant from others (even those you yearn to embrace), washing your hands (constantly) or maybe staying home when you’d rather be going out shopping or dining.  We’re now aware of all the risks involved if we act without planning or thoughtfulness…spontaneity is greatly inhibited.  For the sake of our own health, our loved ones and the community at large it’s well worth the effort.  Ending our emails with this valediction reminds us to be vigilant.     

“Be well” is a wonderful reminder to nurture our whole-being wellness.  As the holidays approach we’re acutely aware of how different this year is…we’re forced to find our joy in ways other than gathering around our holiday table, Christmas tree or Hanukkah menorah.  To be well, to feel the best we can, will take acts of imagination, innovation and flexibility AND it can be done if we let go of some tradition (we can’t do it as we always have) and establish new ways of finding connection and meaning. 

Our wellness, barring serious physical or mental illness, is in our hands.  May we remind ourselves to be patient and take good care.

Our librarians can help you select some wonderful books on health and wellness.  The Bacon Free Library also has a wide selection of do-it-yourself hobby books…maybe it’s time to make some gifts for the holidays.  Call today and you can bring them home safely with our Bacon To Go program of curbside pick-up.

More from the movie corner of Graziella: Neighboring Sounds 

This week’s film takes us to Recife, the largest urban area of the Northeast in Brazil.  Set in a middle-class neighborhood and oscillating between realism and allegory, Kleber Mendonça Filho’s Neighboring Sounds (2012) quietly unravels a society haunted by both its colonial past and by the threat of future violence.  Mendonça Filho opens the narrative with a series of black-and-white photos that depict aspects of the hard life of rural workers in the past; and his film deftly demonstrates that, in a way, the old economic logic is still in place. The film’s camera work and framing neatly evoke the claustrophobia of privileged communities afraid of their own shadows. Make sure, however, that you don’t miss the subtleties of the ‘sound all-around’ (which is the actual translation of the original title O Som ao Redor).  Filled with comic moments alternating with sporadic, quiet horror, Neighboring Sounds will not only entertain you but also make you think about analogies between Recife and where we live.

Watch Neighboring Sounds on Kanopy HERE.

Habits for Health

By Martha E. Fagan, RN, BSN

Keystone habits can be defined as “small changes or habits that people introduce into their routines that unintentionally carry over into other aspects of their lives” according to Charles Duhigg in his book, The Power of Habit.

In architecture a “keystone” is the wedge-shaped piece at the crown of an arch that locks the other pieces in place.  If the keystone were removed the arch would crumble.  When we use the word keystone in conversation, we’re referencing something fundamental, something on which other things depend for support.

“Keystone habits” can be considered the foundational support to many other healthy habit routines.

Just as I’ve talked about the “ripple effect” of positivity—you smile and show kindness towards someone and they will most likely smile back and be a bit kinder.  And when we feel more positive, or happier, we’re more open to new experiences, more expansive and engaging.  Positivity actually builds on itself. “Keystone habits” also have a domino effect as they often become the building blocks for other habits… starting a chain reaction. 

Now is as good a time as any to mention that unfortunately not all “keystone habits” are good.  Bad keystone habits can lead to other bad habits and have significant negative effects on other parts of life.  Consider the effect on your life if you started drinking a six pack of beer every day or smoked a pack of cigarettes daily.  These habits will have a negative impact on your overall health and well-being—your weight, your sleep, your breathing, your concentration and judgment, your relationships, your job, etc.

One thing really does lead to another.

That’s why it’s so important to look at what we do on a regular basis and see how our daily habits influence the bigger picture of our lives.  One small change in one aspect of our lives really can have a significant impact on other areas and our overall well-being. 

As the winter months draw near and those of us living in New England face hours of extended darkness, made worse this year due to limited indoor social gatherings, this is a great time to look at what we do on a regular basis.  Are we helping ourselves with our habits or are we behaving in ways that can be making a challenging situation worse?   

Let’s consider how habits are developed, and then explore how we can create habits that will positively impact other areas of our lives.

Charles Duhigg found that there are three elements to every habit: a cue, a routine, and a reward. This is often referred to as a habit loop. Once this loop is formed, you start to crave the reward that you get from engaging in the routine–and that craving begins when you’re triggered.

Cues, or triggers, vary but are most often associated with a time of day, a place or situation, other people or emotions.  How often have you heard someone say, “I go for my run first thing in the morning otherwise I may not do it and the day doesn’t feel right.”

In this case the cue is simply the alarm going off, or waking up, the routine is getting ready and running, and the reward is the good feeling experienced after the run.  This is a great example of a good keystone habit.

Charles Duhigg goes on to explain that a keystone habit is particularly powerful because it can impact the way you see yourself.  Once you develop a positive habit, you feel empowered and may be more likely to notice something else in your life that could be improved and start working on making additional positive changes.  Often other changes begin happening quite naturally.  Here’s an example: You begin an exercise routine (the keystone habit) and then you pay more attention to your diet and how much sleep you’re getting each night.  You find yourself making better food choices or taking smaller portions and you begin to change your sleep routine to ensure you’re getting adequate rest.  All these other changes are a result of creating one new keystone habit—a daily exercise routine.

In the past I’ve written about the power of taking small steps towards making big changes. Understanding how habits are formed and seeing the way making one good new habit can lead to other good habits gives us the power to take action towards our wellbeing.

COVID restrictions will continue to shape our daily routines and any steps we’re able to take to make our days better are steps we want to embrace.

So, now’s a great time to do a bit of an inventory and look at your daily routines.  Is there some new actions you can take to boost your overall health?  Understanding the way habits are formed (a cue, a routine, a reward) and understanding the pervasive impact keystone habits have on other aspects of our life gives us the knowledge and power needed to create lasting change. So much of what we do every day is a result of our habits rather than our decisions. 

I highly recommend reading The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.  It’s fascinating to learn the intricacies of how the brain forms the habit loop and Duhigg also has great suggestions to help build healthy habits.

Ask a BFL librarian to get it for you and use “Bacon To Go”, our curbside pickup program, to bring it home safely.

Actually, why not make daily reading one of your new keystone habits?  

Martha Fagan is the Vice Chair of the Bacon Free Library. She may be reached through her email at mefagan.bfl@gmail.com

The Power of Poetry

By Martha E. Fagan, RN, BSN

This week as I pondered what to write I kept thinking of how words can be swords, shields or salves.  At this time, I think we could all use a salve.  For me poetry is just that, a soul- soothing salve. 

Mary Oliver beautifully describes the power of poetry in these words from her A Poetry Handbook, “Poetry is a life-cherishing force.  For poems are not words, after all, but fires for the cold, ropes let down to the lost, something as necessary as bread in the pockets of the hungry.  Yes, indeed.”

Below I’ve included three poems on the subjects of love and kindness.  Each of them reminds us of our connection to each other as humans and how we must stop to look, training our inner eye to see the good within us all.  And, each poem also reminds us that darkness and loss make lightness and connection all the more poignantly beautiful. May you take the time to read them slowly, maybe even aloud.  Poetry begs to be read again and again as so much is being said between the lines.  So, get a cup of tea and give yourself the gift of listening to the unwritten word and seeing through the lens of the poet…

LOVE by Czeslaw Milosz

Love means to look at yourself

The way one looks at distant things

For you are only one thing among many

And whoever sees that way heals his heart,

Without knowing it, from various ills—

A bird and a tree say to him: Friend

Then he wants to use himself and things

So that they stand in the glow of ripeness.

It doesn’t matter whether he knows what he serves:

Who serves best doesn’t always understand.

WEST WIND #2 By Mary Oliver

You are young.  So, you know everything.  You leap into the boat and begin rowing.  But listen to me.  Without fanfare, without embarrassment, without any doubt, I talk directly to your soul.  Listen to me.  Lift the oars from the water, let your arms rest, and your heart, and heart’s little intelligence, and listen to me.  There is life without love.  It is not worth a bent penny, or a scuffed shoe.  It is not worth the body of a dead dog nine days unburied.  When you hear, a mile away and still out of sight, the churn of the water as it begins to swirl and roil, fretting around the sharp rocks—when you hear that unmistakable pounding—when you feel the mist on your mouth and sense ahead the embattlement, the long falls plunging and streaming – then now row for your life toward it.

KINDNESS by Naomi Shihab Nye

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things,

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in a weakened broth.

What you held in your hand,

what you counted and carefully saved,

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride

thinking the bus will never stop,

the passengers eating maize and chicken

will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho

lies dead by the side of the road.

You must see how this could be you,

how he too was someone

who journeyed through the night with plans

and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,

you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.

You must wake up with sorrow.

You must speak to it till your voice

catches the thread of all sorrows

and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes any sense anymore,

only kindness that ties your shoes

and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,

only kindness that raises its head

from the crowd of the world to say

It is you I have been looking for,

and then goes with you everywhere

like a shadow or a friend.

If you enjoy poetry but may not be familiar with specific poets, ask one of our knowledgeable librarians to recommend some our books of collected poems.  With our curbside pick-up, Bacon To Go, you can have a selection available in no time.

Martha Fagan is the Vice Chair of the Bacon Free Library. She may be reached through her email at mefagan.bfl@gmail.com

REFLECTIONS

By Martha Fagan RN, BSN

The crispness in the air and the vibrant foliage colors remind us that autumn is here, and winter awaits.  This is the time of year, after vacations or at the least some lazy summer days, when life returns to a more predictable rhythm of school and workdays.

This year our normal rhythm has a different cadence. The usual activities of apple picking, hayrides, gathering around the TV for Sunday football games, museum visits, theatre, and planning holiday travel have been interrupted. We’re not gathering around our dinner tables or fireplaces with family and friends as the days get shorter.  And, these shorter days have an impact all their own…sapping energy and darkening moods.

Add a pandemic to the mix and we have what could be a perfect storm.  Yet here we are.

We’re still unable to plan our next steps with any confidence as so much remains uncertain and though it’s tough to say—things may get worse before they get better.  As much as we’d like things to be different the truth is the winter months may find us more isolated as we lose the ability to gather comfortably outdoors and a vaccine isn’t ready and available.  

As Flannery O’Connor reminds us, “The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”

For this week, in the spirit of grounded optimism, rather than focus on the future unknowns or anticipate the challenges we’ll face in the grayness of winter let’s turn our attention to how we’ve managed so far.  Let’s reflect on these past months and how we’ve coped or in some cases thrived despite pain and uncertainty.

Sometimes our best answers can be found in the way we ask our questions.  Here are some suggestions to get you thinking:

• What have you learned about yourself over these past months?

• What nourishes you and brings you joy?

• What have you done that has made you proud?

• What have you done to strengthen family ties and friendships, or how have you built new relationships?

• What have you chosen to let go of or walk away from?

• Is there a change you’d like to make as you move forward?

• How have you practiced forgiveness and compassion towards yourself and others?

• What will you miss when this time has passed? What do you want to carry forward?

My hope is you’ll put aside some time for yourself this week and reflect upon one, two or all of these questions.  Chances are if you’re honest with your answers you’ll see there have been lessons learned and strengths discovered as a result of this forced stopping.  We wouldn’t have chosen the pain, suffering and loss as a way to learn more about ourselves, individually and collectively, AND it’s one small silver lining of this time—we’ve had to dig deep and look within.

May we not let this experience go to waste.

My real hope is that you enjoy this exercise as a reminder of how strong and resilient you are!  And, if you’d like to share some of your thoughts, I’d love to hear from you.  Email me at mefagan.bfl@gmail.com

I’ll close with some favorite quotes offering some different perspectives as we ponder… 

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” ~Teddy Roosevelt

“My experience is what I agree to attend to.  Only those items which I notice shape my mind.” ~ William James

“It isn’t for the moment you are struck that you need courage, but for the long uphill climb back to sanity and faith and security.” ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Someone I loved once gave me a box of darkness…It took me years to see this too was a gift.” ~Mary Oliver

Martha Fagan is the Vice Chair of the Bacon Free Library. She may be reached through her email at mefagan.bfl@gmail.com