IT’S A CINCH BY THE INCH

Reaching your goals one step at a time

By Martha E. Fagan, RN, BSN

As threatened in my two previous blogs I’m finally writing about setting and achieving goals.  Thankfully we made it through Inauguration Day without incident and regardless of how you feel about the change in leadership, we are beginning anew.

January is a natural time to look back over the past year, reflecting on what went well and what areas of our life may need attention.  This year more than ever reflection is key to our moving forward towards a future that is still fraught with unknowns and restrictions.  At this time, it’s natural to strive toward self-improvement, feeling the hope of a clean slate…and hope is so necessary in our COVID dominated world. 

Chances are we’ve set some goals, intentions or resolutions for 2021. We’ve taken the time to explore what changes are necessary or desirable in our lives and are now ready to set out towards these goals with optimism and conviction. 

Unfortunately, what is also common is to set too many goals, take on too much, and have unrealistic expectations.  This sets us up for failure rather than success.  Often, we start out with a bang but then, for one reason or another, find ourselves back at our baseline…giving up on our goals and feeling terrible about our failure.

How to overcome this pattern of disappointment?  Our challenge is to keep focused and consistent as we work towards desired outcomes.  A three-fold plan may help:

• The first step is to set goals that are self-congruent, which simply means goals that we want or choose to work towards. Studies have shown we have more success when we are working towards something rather than avoiding something.  For example, if you want to lose weight, try stating the goal in a positive way:  Rather than “I want to lose 20 pounds,” you might say, “I want to make healthier food choices and eat smaller quantities.”  Reframing in this way helps make your goal more desirable with specific positive steps.  
• Once you have a goal that has meaning for you… consider Kaizen, the Japanese word for continuous improvement. Its root Kai means “change,” and Zen means “good”—so together, “change for the better.” Kaizen is a long-term approach to improvement that seeks to achieve small, incremental changes to reach goals.

The word came into mainstream vocabulary with the 1986 book Kaizen: The Key to Japan’s Competitive Success, by Masaski Imai. The concept was first introduced in the manufacturing field as a method towards improvement through team effort, and we now know this approach is ideally suited to help us achieve our personal goals.

The most notable features of kaizen are that big results come from many small changes accumulated over time. We don’t master anything or change anything overnight.  For example, learning to walk was a process that continued over time, requiring small actions with repeated effort and attempts.  We all fell, got up, and tried again… and again, and again.  Persistence and small steps lead to big change—that’s kaizen!

• A third tip for success when working towards a goal or sticking to a resolution is to find an accountability buddy. As the name implies, this person helps keep you on task by holding you accountable.  He or she does not have to be a good friend; however, they must be someone who supports your effort, will be consistent with assessing/following your progress and will hold you accountable if you slip a bit. 

I’m sure you can recall times when you didn’t want to go somewhere or do something, yet since you had committed to someone else you showed up.  The approach is the same with working towards changes/goals.  This check-in can be as simple as a weekly text or phone call to give a status update and discuss what’s working or what’s presenting challenges for you. 

Studies have shown success increases by almost 70% if we have accountability!

Putting It All Together

Let’s explore what this approach to change looks like in real life if we set a meaningful goal and practice kaizen with an accountability buddy to get there.

Imagine you are 25 pounds overweight with little endurance for extended walking, and you have an opportunity to join your family on a vacation in 5 months that will involve daily walks and some easy hiking. You really want to go, but you know you won’t be able to keep up unless you lose weight and get in better shape.

This happens to be a real-life scenario for my brother, who will be joining us on a two-week vacation in early summer (depending of course on the ability to travel by then).  Losing 25 pounds and embarking on an exercise routine is daunting, especially now!  But let’s see what his plan might look like if he follows the 3 tips presented above.

• His positive goal could be: “I want to feel well enough to travel with my family and participate in all the activities.”
• Next step is a plan. He is starting from ground zero when it comes to exercising, so beginning with small changes is the key to success… sounds like kaizen. 

He can begin by walking outside or on a treadmill 10 minutes a day for a week, then 12 minutes a day for a week, then 15 minutes a day for a week… you get the idea.  With daily practice, we are much more likely to turn a new behavior into a habit.  And when it comes to creating a healthy lifestyle, healthy habits are key.

At the same time, he can choose to eliminate one poor food choice each day… the can of soda, the nighttime bowl of ice cream, the garlic bread, etc.  By increasing activity and reducing daily calories a bit he will lose weight. 

• To increase his chances for success, my brother should find an accountability buddy. Pre-COVID he was very involved in social events within his apartment building, so he has several friends and acquaintances he could ask.  As mentioned above, in some ways it’s better if the person isn’t a very good friend so they won’t readily accept excuses or support you regardless of your actions.

There will be days he won’t want to walk or will eat his usual amounts but knowing he will be checking in with his buddy will help him get back on track. 

On the way to success

By keeping goals small and manageable, each day can end with a sense of accomplishment and progress.  Hold yourself accountable for your actions AND be kind to yourself along the way.   Remember, you have the power to change by taking one small step at a time…

It’s a cinch by the inch.  

Our librarians are available to guide you towards books about positive change or Kaizen.  Call and talk to one today and then grab your book curbside!

The Possibility of Unity

By Martha E. Fagan, RN, BSN

Again, this week my intention was to write about the fresh start of a new year—beginning the year strong, discussing ways to replace rote resolutions with energizing practices—helping us live into our best selves.

And again, this week, that path doesn’t feel right.  As we face such discontent and unrest in our country, standing on opposite sides of so many issues, writing about individual pursuits seems out of touch with the reality of the moment.

Krista Tippett, host of the weekly podcast, On Being, wrote the following this week in her newsletter, The Pause.  Her words resonated with me as she identified the hesitation of saying anything right now…words have such power. Maybe the best thing we can do is ask probing questions about how we’ve come to this place and how we can slowly gently begin to bridge the divide.

She writes… 

“I’ve always called myself a lover of language and of the limits of language. But this week I take no pleasure in how tongue-tied I feel, standing before the disarray and fragility of our life together. It’s hard to put words out into the world right now for so many reasons. That they’re not big enough. That they never tell the whole truth. That we live in a moment so on edge and reactive that someone will take offense, or be wounded by my words, and that feels harder than ever before to risk and to bear.

There is an insanity to our life together right now that is directly related to the tenuous hold on sanity so many of us feel after surviving this past year.  

That does not justify hatred or violence.

It does mean that we’re called to be as gentle with ourselves and others as we can possibly, reasonably muster. That sounds like such a modest contribution to the tumult all around and on our screens, but it is not.

…We cannot conjure up something so aspirational as “unity” by wishing it, and we are in fact impoverished when it comes to “common ground” between our societal trenches. 

But if I’ve heard one thing most insistently, with an infinite variety of circumstance and struggle, from absolutely every beautiful and wise human I’ve ever met, it is this: We are creatures made, again and again, by what would break us. Yet only if we open to the fullness of the reality of what goes wrong for us, and walk ourselves with and through it, are we able to integrate it into a new kind of wholeness on the other side.

Our collective need for a new kind of wholeness might be the only aspiration we can share across all of our chasms right now.

Longings, too, can be common ground. A shared desire not to be lost to bitterness. A clear-eyed commitment that what divides us now does not have to define what can become possible between us. Questions, honestly asked, about how to make that real.”

As we honor the great Martin Luther King, Jr. and his commitment to pursuing equal rights through non-violent means, may we too find ways to make it through this week and the transfer of power peacefully.  We must let the democratic process and traditions that have served us for generations serve us now.  And we must earn back trust in one another believing that we want what is best for all Americans regardless of race or religion.

May we remember our shared humanity, and may we come through this next week peacefully, walking next to one another as we move toward unity.