THANKS…GIVING
By Martha E. Fagan RN, BSN
Spoiler alert—Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and this year was no exception. It was drastically different, painfully poignant and surprisingly hopeful. I was one of many people far and wide who found ways to be physically distant without feeling emotionally apart or isolated. The binding ties of family and friendship stretched across the miles.
We humans, who thrive on connection, rose to the occasion and crafted ways to be together in spirit and love. We’re wired to be together, even an introvert needs to feel part of the human pact. The psychologist Michael Tomasello poses “A fish is born expecting water, a human is born expecting culture.” Our social connections, our relationships, the circles we live within are our ‘water’…we are intricately drawn to be together.
So, facing separation from family and friends on a holiday that revolves around gathering to share our thanks and eat a celebratory meal, was near impossible to fathom. Yet here we are. We are resilient, as my beloved mother used to say, “Necessity is the Mother of invention”, if we want something badly enough, we can imagine and create ways to make it happen. Though we didn’t draw comfort from our cherished traditions, we may have found comfort in making some new ones. We are hopeful. Though these days are challenging, we look ahead to the possibility of a brighter future.
Thanksgiving is a holiday that inspires us to pause, recognize and remember all we do have. Giving thanks opens our hearts to share and give to others. Thanksgiving = thanks AND giving.
This is the time of year to look within and ponder ways to use our gratitude to ground us in a place of kindness. Uncovering Happiness author, Elisha Goldstein PhD says many of us fall into the trap of thinking kindness is an achievement…something else to check off our list. He suggests a better approach may be to pay attention to what causes us to stray from the intention to be kind and then gently get ourselves back to the intention. “You can cultivate kindness,” he says, “by simply inviting yourself to begin again.”
In this spirit I urge you to take this next week to carry your gratitude and kindness into the world…into your little corner of the world. Begin the day by putting your hand over your heart and being still a minute. This seems almost too simple, but science has proven its effectiveness. Kristen Neff PhD, self-compassion expert, explains our “mammalian system kicks in immediately when you place your hand on your heart. You begin to use a warmer, gentler tone with yourself and with others.”
Once this short practice is done search for simple ways of opening your heart to spreading kindness and compassion. This isn’t about grand gestures rather it’s paying attention to how you treat yourself and the people you interact with daily.
In this reimagined holiday season may we each find a way to spark a little joy in our day and in the days of those we interact with along our way. And if you’re fortunate enough to have a little extra to share find a local charity to support.
There are multitudes of books on the topic of kindness. One of my favorites is LOVE 2.0: Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection by Barbara Fredrickson, PhD. This book explores how “micro-moments “of connection with others, like sharing a smile, a sense of concern, helping someone, or sharing a story can bring on feelings of positivity boosting our emotional resilience and kindness muscle.
Our BFL librarians are ready to help guide you to other books on self-compassion, gratitude, and kindness. It only takes a phone call, and our curbside pick-up “BACON TO GO” to have you reading some of the best books available.
